Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Me - Plotting against the evils of time!

Plotting & Scheming
Originally uploaded by ms_mod
I've been away from my little ol' blog for about a month now...feels like just yesterday I was posting about my big adventure to Artfest...time has a way of slipping away from me...I have this wierd sense of timelessness in my life, which is sometimes wonderful and other times frightening...I think it's kind of a like a self-imposed oblivion, created sheerly for the purpose of self-preservation because the idea of time passing is so scary to me...It's wonderful in the sense that I rarely feel that sense of urgency that things need to be done NOW! It allows me to buoyantly float through life with my own gentle rhythym...taking as much or as little time to simply do as I please...You may be thinking it sounds like a fancy pants way of saying I'm a procrastinator...well, I'm that too, but this is different somehow...this is almost like a denial of time itself...denouncing it's very passage by refusing to move at it's frighteningly quick speed...time has no consideration for the moment whatsoever, regardless of how magical, poignant, or important...each moment is just like any other and time shows no favoritism, quickly moving from one moment to the next...this denouncement of time can be a bit peculiar and scary as well...my sense of time is so often skewed and warped that sometimes I will find myself in situations or relationships that I tend to languish in...long after I should, later lamenting why I didn't move on sooner...this fact is sometimes just the jolt of fear that I need to start taking time a bit more seriously...I never want to be that person that wakes up twenty years from now wondering where the last twenty years went...that, to me, would be something unforgivable...I struggle with finding that balance between timelessness and a sense of time's passing...balance is something I struggle with in general, but that's a different post for a different time...I guess I'll continue to buoyantly float, occasionally reminding myself to pick up the pace at least to a dog paddle, in an effort to both deny and embrace time...and find that balance I so desperately crave...